Likely new US President, Donald Trump, is reported to be “so relieved” to hear that our Ambassador to the USA, Dr Kevin Rudd, has announced that he’s prepared to work with him if elected President in November.

“I’m so relieved to hear that my very good friend Keith Rodd will remain as Australia’s Ambassador to the USA – I’d be heartbroken if he felt that he should vacate that role just because he’s insulted me so many times,” Mr Trump said.

This follows several negative comments from Dr Rudd regarding Mr Trump, such as calling him “nuts”, “the most destructive president in history”, and a “traitor to the West.”

Rudd has now backpedalled on his remarks by stating that there was “some danger of overstating the degree of damage” caused by President Trump.

His well-known maniacal laugh was heard throughout the store and many of the shoppers felt that he might require assistance.  However, he eventually recovered – and he got a discount on his purchases, so it was quite a day for our former twice-failed PM.

Dr Rudd is a recognised Sinologist and clearly demonstrated that when he reportedly remarked to a group of journalists and aides during the December 2009 Copenhagen Climate Summit: “Those Chinese f**kers are trying to rat-f**k us.”

The angry tirade reportedly came after tense negotiations with the Chinese, who are one of Australia’s most important trading partners, over a binding agreement on reducing carbon emissions.

The Chinese consider climate change to be a perfectly normal cyclical event and certainly nothing to be scared about. Dr Rudd believes this is nonsense and that our planet will become totally unliveable by 2030 if we don’t immediately stop eating red meat.

Dr Rudd was still angry when he flew back to Australia but managed to let off steam by reducing a female flight attendant to tears with a torrent of abuse.

Mr Rudd, known for his swearing rants, lost his temper when the 23-year-old said his special meal, with no red meat, was not available.

As well as being a fluent Mandarin speaker Kevin Rudd also has a PhD from Oxford University. His 420-page thesis was titled: ‘Human Interaction with Advanced Pink Batts Technology – should Robots replace Technicians to reduce the Risk of Accidents?

His concern for human life is legendary. In 2008, as Prime Minister, he dismantled the Howard government’s “Pacific Solution” on asylum seekers: offshore processing, temporary protection visas and boat turnbacks were all ditched.

These moves were praised by asylum seeker advocates, but critics argued the changes contributed to a rising number of illegal migrants attempting to reach Australia by boat, up to 1,200 of whom drowned!

It’s probably Rudd’s worst of many colossal mistakes as PM from 2007 to 2010.

The number of illegal immigrants arriving by boat increased from 148 in 2007 to 6,555 in 2010, at a cost of billions to the Australian budget.

As you will have noticed, much of this article thus far is satirical – for example, Trump didn’t really say what’s in my opening paragraphs – but most of it is based on facts.

It’s noteworthy that if our socialist-left government’s planned ‘Misinformation Bill’ is passed I would probably be charged with spreading misinformation or even disinformation and heavily fined for writing this article.

If this hideous bill becomes law, political satire will effectively be banned.

In case you’re wondering, Rudd did say those things about Trump and he did reportedly make that offensive comment about the Chinese.

The text relating to the flight attendant is correct – although it wasn’t on a flight back from China but rather a RAAF flight back from PNG.

Reference to the pink batts’ saga is based on his unnecessarily rushed and “fundamentally flawed” legislation on home insulation that resulted in hundreds of house fires and 4 tragic deaths, for which Rudd accepted “ultimate responsibility”.

Similarly, the data relating to deaths of so many boat people during his time as PM is correct.

And, yes, he does have a very strange laugh.

He’s also been recorded eating his own earwax – it’s true – fair shake of the sauce bottle (one of his favourite expressions meaning ‘it’s true’).

“Gotta zip” was another favourite Ruddism. He used this to sign off at all types of events including formal press conferences and public speeches.

And we are still trying to work out what he meant by “programmatic specificity” – one of the terms he invented to supposedly impress the lower classes.

Many people – including members of his own Labor Party – consider Rudd to be a totally unsuitable person to represent our country.

If Donald Trump does once again become President, it seems highly unlikely that he will readily accept Rudd as our Ambassador. He will certainly pay very little attention to anything he has to say.

To avoid a possible diplomatic incident and also to maintain a good relationship with our most important ally, it would therefore be in everyone’s best interests if Rudd was replaced immediately should Trump win the election.

His egotistical, boorish, and foul-mouthed behaviour is not how Australians wish to be represented overseas – especially in the USA.

Many thanks to Knight Cartoons