XYZ News understands Brett Sutton has not showered in over three weeks

A wild eyed Brett Sutton, Victoria’s Chief Health Officer, faced the media yesterday dressed in shorts, thongs, a flannelette jacket and holding a stubby, claiming that a new Covid strain has developed a giant death ray which threatens the survival of every human being on the planet.

Covid is demanding 6 million dollars in return for sparing grandma. As a warning shot it has already destroyed Noble Park from orbit:

Thankfully, no White people died in the blast. The Victorian government is refusing to negotiate with the virus, thus Sutton is urging Victorians to drop everything, mask up and queue for our six millionth booster:

Victoria’s chief health officer has warned the state is entering a new COVID-19 wave ahead of the festive season.

Brett Sutton provided an update on Twitter today detailing the steps people could take to stay ahead of the virus.

Sutton said protecting “yourself was the best way to protect your family and community”.

“If you  don’t  get COVID, you  can’t  spread  COVID,” Sutton said.

“There are six things you can do to help protect yourself from COVID, (they include) being in a well-ventilated space indoors and wearing a mask especially if you can’t ensure ventilation.

“If you are symptomatic at all, make sure you get tested with a PCR or RAT test.

“If you test positive, make sure you isolate at home until you’re no longer infectious.”

Sutton said it was incredibly important to keep up-to-date with COVID-19 vaccinations.

Australia’s Chief Medical Officer Paul Kelly told Today earlier this week new variants of COVID-19 were circulating in communities, which he has described as “the grandchildren of Omicron”.

Kelly said the variants which are more transmissible than previous strains of the virus, but not more severe.

“But we will see more transmission,” he said.

“We will see infection.”

He urged Australians to make sure they take precautions.

Earlier this week in NSW, Chief Health Officer Kerry Chant warned of immanent Covid megadeath, and a school was shut down after a third of its teachers tested positive to Covid.

The Queensland government has also announced the arrival of a new Covid wave.

The latest Covid variant has evolved into giant lizards which have already flattened the Gold Coast. The state government has built giant robots to defend Brisbane, but it is unclear how long they can hold out unless everybody gets vaccinated.

Meanwhile, Daniel Andrews stated today that his wife could run over a teenage cyclist with her car then just drive off, and people would still vote for him.

This article was first published in XYZ

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