It was a sunny Sunday morning in Canberra and the first day of summer. Julia’s hired hand had just finished mowing her nature strip. “How many times have I told you to use the catcher Tim, bloody hell you’ve got clippings everywhere!” “Never mind Petal, settle down, I’ll run you a bath”, said Tim.
Julia loved her Sunday morning bath. It gave her time to think and catch up on a bit of knitting while Tim watched “Insiders” on the ABC. He didn’t really understand what they talked about but was always glued to the set waiting for an ad. Tim loved ads.
Julia had just breathed a sigh of contentment below the bubbles when Tim rushed in. “Julia! That bloke you originally offered that Senate vacancy to, what’s his name?” “Cassidy”, “Yeah, Cassidy, he’s interviewing one of Abbott’s old mates. Apparently Abbott was President of the university ‘White Supremacist Movement’ and he actually advocated the abortion of all first-born male Jews.”
Julia stood up, losing a full row of stitches, “Better get McTernan here, we might finally have something on this bastard”.
“Come quick Julia, the dirty bugger was also promoting ‘The Year of the Hetero’ and he had a whole library on Genghis Kahn. He was even a deputy Imperial Wizard in the Ku Klux Klan. And that’s not all, he reckoned all married men were gigolos.”
Julia rushed past Tim into the drawing room, little groups of bubbles floating to the floor behind her, only to see Bob the butler watching “The Bolt Report”. “Switch that redneck crap off”, screamed Julia. “Apologies ma’am, can I get you a cup of tea?” “No, get me a towel.” The phone rang. It was Cassidy.
“It’s true, Jules… we’ve got the whole damn thing! Affidavits are flying everywhere. Apparently this low grub was screwing some married tart from Vaucluse and they were both into this huge Ponzi scheme. Ripped millions off poor investors he did!
“It’s all documented, he was laundering the cash through an Italian menswear joint. We finally got the bastard, baby. Wait ‘til ya read the crap he’s been up to.
“Wow!”, said Julia, punching a wall with excitement, “Get Oakes and Grattan out of bed! Tim! Turn that Bolt bastard off, Bob’s recorded the ads for you… and tell Bob to get me a bloody towel will you!”
It was all happening! The Lodge was filling fast with Cabinet members wheeling in crates of bubbly. Garrett was busy handing out yippee beans and bongs while Emerson was composing a celebratory song. Rudd was crying in what appeared to be sheer joy.
By midday it was intoxicated bedlam. The Press gallery had arrived and Albaneze had organised Julia to head a ripper conga line down to Civic Centre and back.
All of the Fairfax Press had turned up and David Marr was quickly penning a 20 page supplement for “Gay News”
The TV networks had figured the conga line in Civic Centre had indicated something was up and were now clamouring at the front gate.
“Call another Press conference Julia”, yelled McTernan. “I am, I am”, screeched an excited Julia. “Wayne come with me, they are all at the front gate.”
Wayne followed Julia to the front gate and Bongiorno shoved a Channel 10 mike at Julia, “Congratulations, Julia, Abbott has done the right thing, he has just resigned in utter shame. He didn’t have a choice really.
“Can I get you a towel sweetie?”