It’s what many of you ask me the most – and the question I feel most ashamed to answer.
Partly because I don’t have proof of what I am about to tell you. But also because I was once the one banging on about how blooming marvelous he was and why he was lined up to be my fourth husband (or was it fifth?).
Not only did I announce this publicly, but the last time I saw him in person I actually reminded him personally that he was destined to be Mr Hopkins. (No, that was not fear in his eyes; he had indigestion. Probably.)
If you are reading this, Boris Johnson, please know that the offer of my hand in marriage has been rescinded. You have been nothing but a huge disappointment and, as populist leaders go, are about as much use as a potato in a wig.
I did try to answer the “What the hell happened?” question six months ago, though looking back on my answer I fear I was being too easy on the man, blaming his failings on his inability to work the COVID problem, rather than on Boris himself. Six months on I realize it is the weakness of Johnson, not the strength of the COVID conspiracy, that is the issue.
One minute he was crashing along like a sexually profligate rhino looking for a Brexit mate, full of Get Brexit Done, and doing splendid things like proroguing (suspending) Parliament and firing treacherous MPs who were working AGAINST the will of the people.
He won back the “Red Wall” of Labor supporters in the North of England whose grandfathers’ grandfathers voted Labor and would “turn in their grave” if they knew any member of their gene pool ever voted Tory. He swung back into Parliament with a massive 80-seat majority. And he was all about giving hard workers the breaks they deserved.
And then came COVID. And Boris turned into a turnip in a toupee.
For my beautiful American family, by way of appraising you of the current madness of my country, let me explain that we are just emerging like anemic zombies from our second complete lockdown (no churches, no family gatherings, no pubs, no shops, no socializing) and heading straight into an utterly bonkers “tier” system whereby 99% of the UK remains locked down and 55 million people still can’t do anything or go anywhere.
If these tiers were on a wedding cake it would be a darn awful wedding. Wales will be allowed to open its bars….but they will not be able to serve drinks! The Welsh are known for being contrary, but this is next level.
I have two theories on what the hell happened to Boris. And I think they are both correct.
I believe that in the early part of 2020 Boris received a visit from the Covid / Vax / Gates team and was either blackmailed with material he does not want in the public domain or was offered power beyond any credible ambition he surely has. Perhaps a seat on the new World Government Organization — whatever that looks like.
I do not have proof of this. But the change in Boris has been way too dramatic to have been motivated by personal health or any other rational explanation.
My second theory, which runs in parallel with the first, is that the arrival of a new girlfriend has caused him to deviate disastrously from his original path. The girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, is no weeping wallflower. She has political activist credentials and is a climate change desperado. Using her Siren call she has lured Boris towards the globalists and shipwrecked him utterly against the rocks of her will, leading to the undignified exit of two of Boris’s key men, both architects of ‘Get Brexit Done’: Dominic Cummings and Lee Cain.
And where does this leave us?
I would argue that it leaves upwards of 30 million people in the UK with no political representation.
Brexit supporters are left wondering “What the hell happened to Boris?”
COVID skeptics smart enough to question why we have bankrupted our economy and condemned the elderly to a lonely death for the sake of a mild seasonal flu will never vote for Boris again.
And our rational elderly population is painfully aware that our young will be paying for the cost of Boris’ capitulation to the globalists and Big Pharma heavies for years to come.
There is a massive majority out there in Britain just waiting to be led.
Which begs a rather more pressing question that all of us need to start asking: if we accept that Boris is a complete write-off, even if we don’t really know the fine detail of exactly what the hell happened to him, just who is going to lead Britain out of the mess that it is in?
And before you shout Farage ……for the grassroots Brits, he is nowhere to be seen.
This article first appeared in frantpagemag.com.