Having read all about a woman in Melbourne today with a terrible disease called Munchausen's Syndrome – which means she faked having cancer to gain attention, followers and their money, who then blamed it on this dreadful 'disease' and a childhood without toys – brought to mind all the other flakes who would have us believe stuff that just isn't true.
Like 'Flannery Syndrome'- a nasty acquired disease – treatable with time – but endemic in certain parts of the wide brown land – and absolutely alive and pulsing in the little country community in which I live.
Today, I pick up the local 'Times', a venerable publication that has endured from the times of the Gold Rush for the latest goss on the district. And as usual it's full of it.
This village has committees and clubs aplenty – you cannot cross the road without banging into an office bearer of some group rushing to photocopy the minutes of the last meeting. Trust me, Dibley has nothing on this place. They love a committee – and they love ordering each other about.
Examples include 'The Gardening Committee', 'The Water Saving Committee', and the virulent activist-rich 'Cactus Extermination Committee'. (I'm not kidding. The latter is a somewhat manky group of middle aged, tree changing women, dressed in 'Crocs' and cable knit cardigans (from the Knitting Club Committee) – all covered in cat hair, mouse hair and spouse hair – who are discovering their sexuality through other women. If they can find one.
And so it was that I read with interest, the ravings of the local 'Sustainability Committee' President. "We have got to stop using water" he said in a headline that screamed support for Global warming and a tax on every bastard with a car. And a job. "I spoke to a bloke who has a 10 minute shower every day!" he intoned. "And do you know- he showers for the first 5 minutes to wake up! You don't need to shower every day – and if you are addicted to splashing it about – then a 3 minute shower is more than adequate" he said. "Then there are these idiots who must shave everyday!"
"Then" he went on – his anger still white hot -"there are these absolute clots (this was getting personal) who wash their cars every week! They want them to look like they have just come out of the showroom! How ridiculous! If I had my way – cars would be delivered in matt-khaki so that a coating of dust would not be noticeable. Or better still they would be delivered rusty! These idiots that waste OUR water on their cars need to be stopped."
"Then" he went on again -"there are these fools (now he's getting downright bloody insulting) who want to plant English gardens. They are enemies of the environment! English gardens use water", he screamed. "What's wrong with planting good old Australian natives – they are everywhere and they don't use water. They don't need water!"
He then went into an extended rant on Global Warming and not using any more water ever again and wiping out capitalist pigs who are using up all OUR resources. And poisoning the atmosphere.
Then it dawned on me that this committee he heads up – where they meet for hours round a kerosene lamp in a miner's cottage, eating lentils and dried prunes with fellow Warmists – all drive beaten up old Peugeots and Kombi's which are impossible to follow down a road due to the huge plumes of black smoke that issue from their oily exhausts everywhere they go. You can't miss em – they have stickers on them about hating Liberals and saving the planet. "Go Green" they scream.
I thought I was in a sudden and completely unexpected fog the other night coming home with my fish and chips in the dark – and nearly ran up the arse of a one tail-lighted Kombi with so much blue smoke pissing out the back I nearly rang the EPA. So much for their love for the bloody environment. The poisonous, sanctimonious, hypocritical pricks.
And I reckon you can blame these clowns like Tim Bloody Flannery who has infiltrated their feeble minds with all this crap. While he is preaching his parched gospel- NSW is practically a lake. A raging torrent of destruction. As indeed this place where I live was, in 2010. Under bloody water! It happens. It's cyclic. In Queensland periodically – they are underwater as well – and while these mad warmists are screaming for sustainable, solar desalination plants, their dams are overflowing and drowning the inhabitants before sending tidal waves of brown mud into the Pacific Ocean. Crazy!
That's how it works, and has worked, for at very least the last hundred years if you talk to the old people in the place who are quite a bit more realistic.
I'm getting some stickers made that say "Cure Flanneryitus! Squirt a Greenie today!"